First Drafts Matter
In this mentor draft, I used a lot of words to say nearly nothing. At some point, the repetition sounded profound and the contradictions deep, at least to me. However, looking back now with fresh eyes, this feels more like someone pacing around a room thinking out loud without ever landing anywhere specific.
Still, I wrote it, and I am glad I did.
After all, the first draft’s job is not to be brilliant. It just needs to exist. So many people stop writing because they think the first attempt should be polished, meaningful, or original. In reality, most first drafts are not. Instead, they are often messy piles of half-formed thoughts and emotional haze. That is normal.
Sometimes, you have to write a page full of nothing before you discover what you really want to say.
Life keeps going
day in, day out
some ups, some downs,
check in, check out
my fate, my dreams
of rest, of strife
I will survive this edgy
humdrum life.
But wait a sec
hold up, hold tight
is this what I want?
thinking black?
thinking white?
Is this all
there is
a ceaseless cycle
monotony?
Hope sparks deep
whispering
don't quit
dream something, dream more
live large, live loud
your life is more
more than what others
have planned
People push, people pull
some to hope, some to the dull
maybe, just maybe
their way shouldn't be
maybe, just maybe
my way
is determined
by me
My way:
fiercely chill
confidently unsure
I'll play it safe
I'll play it pure
with deliberate risks
maybe? I'm sure
I'll play it safe
life wild, life tame.
I'll play with risk
I'll play with a plan
Life
my life:
a salty-sweet discordant beat
that's life
my heart, my beat
my melody
that's life
my life
Stanza 1:
- replace vague emotions
- cut familiar phrases
- make repetition build meaning
- trade weak words for images, objects, sounds, or actions
Stanza 2
- Give vague questions tension
- add physical details to thoughts
- cut dramatic phrasing that says nothing
- let uncertainty emerge naturally
Stanzas 3 & 4
- give motivational language context
- appeal to the five senses
- earn the repeated lines
- sharpen the contrasting ideas
- say more with less
Stanza 5
- keep meaningful conflicts
- sharpen poet’s voice
- make emotional conflict more specific
- replace vague paradoxes with real choices and risks
Stanza 6
- replace generic life advice with specific truth
- turn “hope” and “dull” into something specific
- give the poet a human voice instead of a “motivational speaker” voice
Stanza 7
- decide which contradictions reveal character
- cut the clever lines that say very little
- add specific behaviors and risks
- let uncertainty sound honest instead of decorative
Stanza 8
- cut lines that don’t deepen meaning
- decide what emotional note should be your ending
- make rhythm support meaning instead of replace it
- end on one memorable image
Concluding thoughts
This poem should have been about vulnerability. It should have risked honesty. Instead, I hid behind vague language, repeated phrases, and broad statements that could apply to almost anyone. Rather than revealing anything specific or uncomfortable, I talked around the emotion. In the end, the poem became an example of something many writers do at first: protecting themselves with abstraction. In other words, I wanted the poem to sound deep without risking the vulnerability that actually creates depth.
The bullet points above are not rules for perfect writing. Instead, they are simply notes on how to make the poem clearer, more specific, and more honest. Most rough drafts already contain clues about what needs fixing. However, the hard part is slowing down enough to notice where the writing stays safe, vague, or repetitive instead of saying something real.
